A Bountiful Farmer's Breakfast, Plus 20 Dark Chocolate Peanut Clusters

Still thinking about Meg's "I want" list from a couple of weeks ago. My mind is popping with the things that I want right now, because I firmly believe that you've got to acknowledge your "wants" in order to make them a reality. But I also believe that a lot of times, like Meg mentioned, we don't know what we want, that the idea of saying them aloud is scary, that the thought of failing is too painful. Crawling into the cardboard box and pulling the flaps shut instead of bursting out, exploding with confetti. Before I started submitting stories, I was convinced (with no evidence to prove otherwise) that I could be a literary genius. Once the rejections began arriving, however, I realized the protective value of ignorance--many times, I missed the "not knowing," felt that it had been better than the empty, quiet, cheerless truth of failing. But then, I tried to redefine "failing," and this helped. That, and multiple, simulataneous submissions (thanks, Justin!) and chocolate.

Today, I want: to be creative all of the time. immediate results. a jewel-encrusted social life. a farmer's breakfast. a generous portion of home fries. to be polygamous and marry the page. a scalp massage. to continue to be practical and $wise and sensitive. to be made of non-stick teflon, with criticism, lost opportunities, regret, and dead friendships sliding off of me, like a couple of fried eggs or a roasted red pepper omelette. a fire bowl in my backyard and the chance to stretch out with my feet propped on a lawn chair, roasting marshmallows and watching the sunlight click off and being embraced by citronella. to go to the Florida Keys next November with my girlfriend and her husband and Lou and really feel like we're participating in a Jimmy Buffett song. people who feel that I am a receptacle for their racist views to shut the fuck up because I am not interested in their verbal garbage. to know what would happen if a "tour of duty" actually consisted of going to a famine plagued country and providing it with manpower and economic resources and education. to have a stable definition of success that I can aspire to daily. to send my Irish granny a nice present for her eightieth birthday. to navigate the post office without getting yelled at for using the wrong box or kind of tape. to eat 20 dark chocolate peanut clusters. to be able to run for longer than 5 minutes without getting a stitch in my side. a really kicky pair of open toe sandals. to plant a garden. well defined upper arms. the fat between my armpits and boobs to disappear so that I can feel pretty in a tank top. someone else to mop my floors and clean out my refrigerator