The Workbook Of My Life

Our house is coming down with workbooks: large, thick paperbacks with connect-the-dots and word families and patterns; small skinny books with sets and subsets and number lines. These are leftovers from the days when I worked at the school, and Mac has had the "good fortune" to inherit them. Since the moment that they were inserted into his able, four year old hands, they usurped the Play-Doh workshop which had previously occupied the majority of his attention; he now sits, often for hours, at the kitchen table, hunched over clean pages, studying, and writing with a Sanford American #2 pencil. His mannerisms are funny--tapping the eraser against his forehead as he thinks, fidgeting, double checking his grasp. This is his job, by God, and he takes it seriously; mom, could you pack me a lunch?

If I were to look for a workbook for my life, this is the information that it would need to contain: cooking (without overcooking) fresh fish, a short primer on wines, keeping poinsettas alive, the difference between lie vs. lay (how to conjugate, when to use), pronunciation skills, creme brulee preparation, how to be less judgemental, making the most of pale skin, oil checks/changes, mastering The Sims 2 Legacy challenge, reading in Spanish, tapas, welding, phobias (snakes, spiders, small spaces, overpopulation, dirt, flying), Dyson vacumm investment, cheerleading, effort and purpose, purpose and effort, confident analysis of poetry, multivitamins, chocolate sampling, pragmatics, dressing to hide a belly, belly elimination, Google medical degree, remembering to breathe, meteorology, Pixar film critique, and the psychology of reality TV.

Last year's workbook included tips on using a food processor, making a variety of soups, color coordinating a Christmas tree, submitting stories, optimal fun at Sesame Place, optimal caution in a filthy hotel room, compassion, preparing a country breakfast, volunteering, taking small children on long trips in a car or on a train, doing more with barley, success, rejection, entertaining, reading Truman Capote, coordinating a Chuck E. Cheese birthday, and bleaching my teeth. I also learned that you can burn up a cordless phone if you're on it for most of the day.