Sometimes, You've Got To Do A Lot Of Blinking . . .
A friend emailed me the other day to tell me that he was really impressed with my recent blog entries. He asked if I'd turned any blog entries into fiction, then inquired as to what I was working on . . .
My answer: The Blog. I'm obsessed with it.
Another friend and I were emailing about external validation, that need for praise and recogniton. Of course, I monologued about rising above it and writing for the sake of writing, but then I wondered, is that really what I'm doing? Am I writing because I feel compelled or am I writing for reactions? Or am I writing for both?
It's a lot to consider.
I don't think that it's bad to covet praise. To relish the toe curling feeling that accompanies a compliment. But I think it's bad to become dependent upon it. I think it's important to reflect, to look within, to know when to back off and get priorities straight. If that means wading in the bathtub with my pajama bottoms folded up, then so be it. If that means hanging off the side of the couch for a new perspective of the room, bring it. If that means heading over to One Word and participating in a 60 second timed writing, then do it.
Sometimes, you've got to do a lot of blinking to see the color in the world for what it is.
I considered shutting the blog down for a few days, but then I remembered all of the talented writers who blog but also commit to their other writing. No excuses. It seems to me that this is a choice that I am not yet making.
Tomorrow, I start a new notebook of morning pages. There is something fun about finishing an old one and beginning another. It speaks of fresh starts, grand ideas, renewed committment. It's the first step off of a plane on new soil, where, even though you are jet-lagged, you can strut through the airport with your heart racing, pretending to be a supermodel, heading to location.
I am grateful for my friends and for the dialogues that have lead me to this fresh ground, where I have reassessed, re-prioritized, and can write with renewed conviction.
I will show up at the page or at the keyboard and let things go from there. I will cram compliments into my pocket and save them for that inevitable day when fresh ones no longer come. And I will pause every once in awhile, to remember why I'm writing.
And then, I will get back to work. After all, there are billions of words, just clamoring for a spot on a page.
My answer: The Blog. I'm obsessed with it.
Another friend and I were emailing about external validation, that need for praise and recogniton. Of course, I monologued about rising above it and writing for the sake of writing, but then I wondered, is that really what I'm doing? Am I writing because I feel compelled or am I writing for reactions? Or am I writing for both?
It's a lot to consider.
I don't think that it's bad to covet praise. To relish the toe curling feeling that accompanies a compliment. But I think it's bad to become dependent upon it. I think it's important to reflect, to look within, to know when to back off and get priorities straight. If that means wading in the bathtub with my pajama bottoms folded up, then so be it. If that means hanging off the side of the couch for a new perspective of the room, bring it. If that means heading over to One Word and participating in a 60 second timed writing, then do it.
Sometimes, you've got to do a lot of blinking to see the color in the world for what it is.
I considered shutting the blog down for a few days, but then I remembered all of the talented writers who blog but also commit to their other writing. No excuses. It seems to me that this is a choice that I am not yet making.
Tomorrow, I start a new notebook of morning pages. There is something fun about finishing an old one and beginning another. It speaks of fresh starts, grand ideas, renewed committment. It's the first step off of a plane on new soil, where, even though you are jet-lagged, you can strut through the airport with your heart racing, pretending to be a supermodel, heading to location.
I am grateful for my friends and for the dialogues that have lead me to this fresh ground, where I have reassessed, re-prioritized, and can write with renewed conviction.
I will show up at the page or at the keyboard and let things go from there. I will cram compliments into my pocket and save them for that inevitable day when fresh ones no longer come. And I will pause every once in awhile, to remember why I'm writing.
And then, I will get back to work. After all, there are billions of words, just clamoring for a spot on a page.
posted by Cate at 8:21 PM
13 Comments:
Cate,
I blog, but when I have a deadline to meet, or if the muse hits me in the face like a cold wave, I'm there. The blog can collect dust. My blog archives are a living testament of my comings and goings. There are gaps there and before each one I posted a note telling folks I had writing to do.
As for why I do it: I find blog posting to be a release as well as a discipline. It's tough coming up with new topics every day or every other day, but I enjoy the challenge. I also enjoy the feedback and sharing I do with other writers.
Tanya
ok, your notebook... you have inspired me again.
sigh.
darn inspiration.
Cate,
Someone once asked me why I blog. I sat there thinking for about 10 minutes before I had an answer. An honest answer.
I blog because:
1) It forces me to write everyday. Even when I am not posting, I am writing, saving drafts and thinking of what comes next. Blogging has been good discipline for me and if you go back in my archives, you can see the difference of my writing a year ago, and today.
2) Its like therapy. Free therapy. Enough said.
3) Okay. I like the attention. So sue me. The words of praise and love are addicting.
Heh heh heh. I understand all that you said about blogs. I was scared that blogging was taking up too much of my time - especially checking for comments - but now I've realized that blogging has become like my morning pages. It makes me write every single day. But it's better because it is also connecting me to a whole tribe of amazing, creative and supportive people who are inspiring me to write MORE. I can't believe I was ever without it! Have a fabulous day!
That is a beautiful journal. Art on top for the art within.
You know, like in my email, blogging is like a journal. I try very hard to post everyday, for me, mostly. To keep me "responsible" for something, and to force my brain to be creative, everyday.
And the blog journal, different than a paper journal, does get the feedback and recognition which can either be responded to or not, read or disregarded. Who doesn't need reaffirmation? I do, but I don't not post because I didn't get feedback. So all in all I guess I blog for me. Everything else is frosting on my cake. Oooh cake, gotta go.
Okay, before I eat a piece of cake for breakfast(it has eggs in it!), I went to One Word. Oh my gawd. that could become an addiction. I tried it and I had stage fright and suddenly couldn't type. It was like my fingers were stuttering!
But thank you for bringing that site to my attention! I am not a writer, but I could have some real fun with that! Thank you!!!!!
...hanging off the side of the couch for a new perspective of the room...I really must try this!
Lovely journal cate and I don't care why you write just so long as you do. You are part of my morning coffee now dear friend.
andrea
What's this morning notebook thingy for?
Also, when are you going to send me one of your stories? I'm dying to publish one.
I don't keep a journal beyond my blog, but I really think I should start one. Something just for *me.* Yours is beautiful! And I'm sure the private thoughts and dreams within are just as beautiful.
Cate,
I don't see anything wrong with you taking some time for yourself in order to dedicate to your external writing.
The one thing I love about your blog is that you always have a story to tell. I think you remember that even is you do not post everyday, we will still be here waiting for your next entry in anticipation.
You have a gift that you should be very proud of. Not everyone can tell a story as eloquently as you do. You can draw people into your stories like they are there living the moment. Use that gift... Take the stories from your life and transform them into more... I promise you, if you do, they will be read.
As far as a daily journal goes, I'm not sure how different your writing is than on this site, but if it is anything close to this, it must be a diamond waiting to be polished for the world to see.
Thanks for sharing.
BTW, I like the two little boys. They look so serious, but st the same time, they look like they are wondering what trouble they can get into next. A Dynamic Duo of sorts. They wouldn't happen to be your two little ones are they?
Read ya' later!
That last paragraph I wrote sounds like I'm a weirdo.
I promise that question was innocent. I just think it is a really cool picture.
Sorry if it freaked you out.
I am going to check out the one word site! Thanks!
I think you are the perfect balance of all things wonderful and guess what? You just happen to be brilliantly talented too!
xoxo
Tanya,
I like that attitude! Be available and ready when the muse hits. The blog will still be there when you're finished. Thanks! Oh, and I agree about the challenge of new topics--I think that that's one of most appealing things about blogging!
Kris,
You make me laugh. Thanks for the compliment. Yes, darn inspiration!
Rita,
Thanks for sharing your take on blogging. I like the therapy part--I need all of the therapy I can get. And it's so true: I always feel content after I blog. Well said.
Megg,
I can't even imagine my life before blogging. I had to have been so lonely! It's really one of the few places where you can find/pursue like-minded people (I mean, I know you can do that in "real life," too, but I've always been intimidated by writers' groups, book clubs, etc.--the internet part makes me feel more confident about sharing). Creativity can be contagious--I love that!
Rebecca,
You are SUCH a writer, don't even say you're not! "Art on top for the art within." That was so good! I'm glad you liked One Word--it's addictive in a fun way. Thanks for your comment--I hope the cake was good!
Andrea,
That comment was so kind--talk about making my toes curl! Thank you!
CR,
It's my new journal. I like to decorate them with papers and ribbons. I'll be emailing you soon about a story--I've got a good one in mind. Thank you for your belief in me.
Joely Sue,
Y'know, I write in the journal less now that I blog, and if I skip a few days, it's harder to get back into it. I'm glad that I keep one, though. I love your blog! It's one of the first ones that I ever read. You are so genuine and inspirational in it. I'm glad that, between the two, you have the one that the rest of us get to read!
Human Z,
Thanks for your kind words. I did not, for one minute, think you were a weirdo (should I?)! The two kids are a boy and a girl. The boy is my DAD! I love scanning the old pictures of him and using them in art! Isn't he adorable?
Baylor,
When I read your comments, I just feel this sense of peace, a sigh of relief. I am grateful for you every day!
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